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What not to do - No excuse BMQ tips [Merged]

When I went through last year they called it "directives". 7 directives and you were recoursed.
FourNinerZero said:
gomer pyle does exist. be nice to him. he gets a weapon too.  

Lol gomer pyle. How does that work. Is gomer the first person to F up or do they just pick them if they don't like the way they look.
Gomer is the nutbar who never should have been allowed near a weapon, let alone live ammo.  We had two.  One shot at the wrong target (more than once), shot down range when there was no target to shoot at and then decided it would be a good idea to argue with the weapons instructors about the whole affair.

and somehow, he graduated right beside the rest of us......
gomer lives to strike another day.
SoF said:
Lol gomer pyle. How does that work. Is gomer the first person to F up or do they just pick them if they don't like the way they look.

Gomer is the guy who perpetually makes stupid mistakes, is inept and incompetent, and should never be allowed near sharp or dangerous objects...ie pencils, dummy ammo, possibly even the plastic coating on the ends of shoelaces, let alone Weapons or explosives.
You're allowed to chew gum in the field.  You get gum in your breakfast IMPs. Personal suggestions as far as IMPs go...the Hashbrown & sausage is good :evil:
Go for the salsa omlette.

Also, tossing 10 ham steak with mustard sauce IMPs into the pressure cooker at 0500 will make you a real hit within your tent, especially when your buddies have been up for more than 24 hours and  know they probably have 24 more hours to go.
SemperFidelis said:
The Hashbrown and Sausage were good, Lasagna, Ravioli and .....the Turkey Vegetables...apart from that, I cant really say much for the IMPs...pretty shitty, but i hear they have different ones for different years...so thats a relief!

I don't want to be one of "those" and tell you about "back when I was a young guy....", but if you are going to complain abour our field rations, I would first suggest you look at the competition (US Army, French, Dutch, Germans, etc) before you complain. Based on what I have seen, ours are FAR superior to the standard rations issued to any NATO military. There might be specialized rations that are better, but on the whole, no comparison. Someone correct me if I am wrong on this one...... Yes, the French get wine, but that is to make up for the lack of quality/quanity of the rest....

If you are a very picky eater, you are pretty much screwed, but that is too bad, so sad. These things have been chosen specially for their nutrional content, longevity (shelf life), feedback from years gone by, etc. Saying they are shitty is like saying McDonalds is shitty, Boston Pizza is shitty, etc. Give specific examples of what is so shitty about them (worms in bread, big chunks of fat in desert, moldy, etc).

The alternative is not eating when you are in the field, and let's see how you make out then (If you don't eat, you don't shit. If you don't shit, you die....).

I’m starting this thread for ALL the Recruits here. This is going to be where all the Veterans, and Active Service Members can come to give advice on little things that you should think about. It’s geared towards troops once they’ve completed their Training, and are FNGs in Battalion. Little life lessons, as well as tips on how to do their job better.
I’ll start with a couple that I've learned from my time in.

1. Never buy a car from a used car lot within a 10 mile radius of your base, or if the lot has a sign that says bring in your Pay Statement. Stay away from them.

2. Open up an account with the credit union on base and set up an allotment for $100 every paycheque to go into that account and DO NOT TOUCH IT FOR ANY REASON until you are out of the service. Or, even better, put it into an RRSP.

3. For any and all debt that you may acquire while in the service, i.e. car payment, car insurance, rent if you live off-base and credit cards. Set up and allotment through your Clerk so that you ARE never late on your payments.

4. Every cab driver will tell you that they are a retired sgt. Be careful to pay attention that they are charging you correctly, no matter how drunk you are.

5. If you are pulled over by an MP and you notice that you out rank them, remember that you DON'T out rank them.

6. NEVER date a troop!

7. Wear eye protection. Wear your hearing protection.

8. Drink water. A lot. (Except right before a jump.)

9. Don't become a Kitslut. Just because it’s green/CADPAT/shiny, doesn’t make it a good piece of kit, and doesn’t make you look hard. It makes you look like a fool who can’t tell the difference.

10. When going to the field bring a little extra, you never know what’s gonna happen from one day to the next. If you think you have enough socks, you don't. Snivel kit: You can never have enough. Power bars: You may not have time to sit and eat an IMP. Batteries: Everything we have runs on AA batteries, and the CQ can never get enough. Hot sauce: Because IMPs can plug you up, and hot sauce both counter-acts that, and tastes better.

11. Always be flexible. O Groups, training meetings and other random meetings happen just before lunch or time to go home. Something out of the blue will come up and you’re not going home when you thought you where. Adapt.

12. Never pass up a shot at Basic Para Course, or you may never get it, or get it 6 years later, when you already have a few nagging injuries.

13. Never be afraid to ask questions, stupid or otherwise.

14. Save copies of every set of orders and every PER you receive, you might need them
twenty years later.

15. Make copies of your UER and medical records. Every piece of paper that is generated with your name and service number, keep a copy somewhere safe. Trust me.

16. Never lose your needle book.

17. Remember that tobacco runs out faster that you think it will when you are in the field. Better yet: quit!

18. Forget toilet paper, baby wipes pack smaller, and clean everything.

19. There are 3 people you must make friends with:
1. The Coy Medic
2. The Coy Clerk
3. The Cook

20. Don't be First. Don't be Last.

21. Always have a knife, a lighter, a watch, a pad of paper and a pen/pencil when in uniform.

22. Roll everything you pack, it packs smaller than folding.

23. Look out for shack rats, and chicks who want a guaranteed paycheque and subsidized healthcare.

24. There is no such thing as having too much ammo or water.

25. Forget about the GPS. Learn how to use a map and compass.

26. When you are in Basic, and Battle School, save ALL of that money. You don't need to be buying a lot of stuff while you are in Training anyways. Really you only need a little to buy crap like soap...and porn. And you WILL need that cash when you get to your unit.

27. (On a personal note) I don't give a frig how cool you were in high school, so shut up about it when us old, fat guys are telling war stories. You might learn something that will keep you alive later. More importantly, you might learn something that will keep ME alive later.

28. Shut up and do what I tell you. It’s for a reason. I don’t tell you to do crap because I like to watch your *** move.

29. If you are offered a course, no matter what it is, TAKE IT! It’s all paper that says you can LEARN to do something, and many translate into civilian courses that would cost you money to re-do.

30. And most importantly USE YOUR BENEFITS! Learn what they all are, and use them. Especially when getting out. No matter where you think you will be in 5 years, you will need that money for school, or re-training, when you get out.

31. Commissioned From The Ranks Officers will resort to wall-to-wall counselling as quick as a grizzled NCO. Don't frig with them.

32. Remember: That broken-down, chubby old man with the Sgt stripes, or WO crown has been doing this for a lot longer than you. He’s still doing the things that are knocking the snot out of you, and he’s twice your age. He was once a young, cocky private too, and he’s learned a lot since then. You CANNOT kick his ***. He WILL hurt you. Badly. Stop thinking you’ll kick his *** someday. You won’t. You will thank him later, though. Even if only in your memories.

33. Know when to violate the "never volunteer rule." If there are multiple tasks to get handed out, always volunteer for the first one. Chances are good that the later options suck a lot more.

34. Master Corporal is the hardest job in the Army. He’s being a dick because he has to. Do what he tells you, and stop bitching about it. He used to be you.

35. There is a fine line between "thief" and Platoon Scrounge. Taking from the Army (or better, the Air Force) to help the troops out is good. Taking from a troop, for any reason is theft, and you deserve to be beaten severely. And often.

36. Learn how to turn a wrench well. Take care of every vehicle you get assigned to you. DO NOT PISS OFF THE MECHANICS.

37. Learn every job in the Platoon. Hump the C9. Hump the C6. Hump the Radio. Your job is to learn your bosses job. If, after a year, you can't be a section 2IC if necessary, you are a lazy shitbird.

38. Learn the difference between "wants and needs."

39. Only pay cash for major items. Get a credit card. Put a little on it, then pay it off promptly. Build a credit rating. You WILL need it later. But, do NOT put everything on plastic. You end up breaking yourself to pay off the interest rate.

40. Strippers are not your friend. They are paid to pretend to be interested in you. You are an open wallet, not a sex object. Actually, you kind of disgust them. Sucker.

41. The best place to meet hot, brainy chicks is the public library, the local college library, or church. You will not meet your life-mate in a meat-market with a neon sign above it.


43. If you finance a car then make sure it is paid off before you Release.

44. When you Release, look into ALL of your options, INCLUDING the Reserves.

45. Reenlist for the right reasons, not because you have bills to pay. The reasons you chose to Release did not go away, and you will become a drain on your fellow troop’s morale.

46. Go Airborne, stay Airborne! It’s a mind-set, not a hat. Keep the attitude, even when you lose the Beret.

47. Marrying a chick with debt is okay. Marrying a chick that makes you go into debt further every month is STUPID! Staying with her because she gives you steady sex is even stupider.

48. Don't EVER poke your Warrant awake in the field, in the middle of the night while you’re on stove/radio watch. If he needs to be disturbed, wake him with that nice cup of coffee that you just made for yourself. Trust me.

49. The new 2Lt. is not your buddy. I don't care if he likes the same comic books, video games, and likes to hang out. He doesn't need to know anything that your WO, Sect Comd, or Sect 2IC haven't already told him.  He will someday have to order you into a very dangerous situation. Don’t make it harder for him to choose. The hesitation could get you both killed.

50. Being second or third on a course is cool too. Don't be in the lower 2/3rds. Someone has to be, just don’t let it be you.

51. You ever call your Sect Comd "Sarge" expect a beat down. You deserve it. He is a Sergeant. “Sarge” is that clown in the Beetle Bailey comic strip.

52. Shine your damn boots. Blackening is for PONTIs. Soldiers have shiny boots.

53. If your dick is running, or hurt's when you piss, DON’T wait 3 months to tell a doc about it! Better a little embarrassment now, than having it amputated later. And tell your medic first. DO NOT TELL THE WO first. They might be able to help you out and make it go away.

Anyone (BTDT‘s only) have anything to add?
Nice thread Para...where were you 15 years ago (especially for all of that great money advice)?  LOL

54. If you screw up, admit it.  Everyone makes a mistake at some point.  But learn from it and don't make the same mistake twice.  And if you're questioned about your mistake, or why you did or didn't do something, Keep It Simple Stupid (learn this, it's the KISS rule).  We don't want to hear a story or long-winded explanation.  "Yes PO (insert appropriate rank here), won't happen again PO" and carry on!
55. NEVER LIE. I don't care if you had relations with a nun in a pew. Tell me the truth. It will be far easier on you than when I inevitably discover the truth. And I can never trust you again. The Army runs on accountability and reliability. If you are a liar, you have neither.

56. Never quit. I don't care if you have to drag yourself by your fingernails. Never quit. You can feel pride in a poor performance if it took everything you had, but you will only feel shame if you quit.

57. Always give 100%. Whether it's a ruckmarch or a party. Give everything you have.
---------------take care of your kit.........it's yours.  From underwear to Gas maks...take care of it, and dont lose it.
58. Duty first; you and your fun/recreation/sleep last.  For aspiring junior officers/NCOs: learn to manage your time.  There is so much to be done every day, especially in the field and you have to make sure it is all done and done correctly before you eat, sleep or whatever.

59. Watch the booze.  We all (well many of us, anyway) enjoy a pint or six with our friends.  There is a time and a place for it.  Be careful when enjoying a drink with superiors.  Booze loosens the tongue and inhibitions and you may end up giving verbal evidence of your own stupidity.

60. The army is a team.  You are a team member – even, perhaps especially when you lead the team.

61. Learn, LEARN, LEARN!  You never know enough about anything – especially the thing in which you have just been declared expert.  When it is your turn: Teach, TEACH, TEACH!  Postings to schools are sometimes unpopular; they shouldn’t be – usually only good people are selected for tours as instructors; if you are selected go and do the best damn job you can – and be proud of it.
59.  Don`t be an ass kisser.  Nobody like them, and nice people like me will let your peers know that you are one, to your face and  in public - then I get to sit back and watch the finger to chest chats start.

60.  Keep your feet hard and if you can`t, learn how to look after them properly if something happens.  Talk to a good medic or old infantry salt to learn how - if your feet are in bad shape, you and your buddies are in fact screwed.

61.  Learn to use a condom properly - a condom a day keeps scrub boy away (ie - me) - whether you`re sober, drunk or in the dark in some car somewhere, know how to get one on properly.  It`ll save you some pain and embarrassment in the future.  This also applies to girls.

62.  Ditto the tobasco or one of those multi spice jars - keeps your bowels moving and makes food oh so much better.

BTW - good idea para.


63. No matter what you do, someone will think you are cool, and someone else will consider you a fool. But, you have to look yourself in the eye every morning when you shave.

64. Learn what is important. Your Word, your Duty, your Family. These things are irreplaceable. Material items can be purchased or replaced.

65. Buy, don't rent. Especially land. God stopped making it, so it can only go up in value.

66. RRSPs and Mutual Funds are investments. Beer and cigarettes aren't. Strippers and hookers are not tax-deductible.
67. Think before you speak.  We know you were the top dog in your cadet corps; we don’t much care about what you did; we want to know what you can do.  Actions speak louder than words.
Great advice, and great idea Para.

And I have a couple of peices of advice, I may not have been in long, but I learn fast.

68. Waterproof everything.

69. pay attention when someone senior or more experenced says "this is important, write this down, remember this for later etc" no matter how trivial it may seem.

70. Get a sense of humor, and try to keep it no matter how shitty life seems at the time.

71. learn the difference between good and bad advice. get a second opinion if your not sure.
72.  Don't be a "blade".  A blade is like a rat, someone who shirks responsibility for their actions, or inactions and points the finger at someone else.  They are also the ones that lie, mislead, stuff like that to try to make themselves look squeeky clean.  Your Cpl/MCpl/Sgt/WO will see right thru, if not immediately, sooner than later.  Once you are labelled a blade, it is hard to shake and you are NOT going to like it.  Hand in hand with "not being a blade" is loyalty...to your section/platoon/whatever. 

73.  If you are former Reserve, DO NOT get to your Reg Frce unit and say "well at Unit X, we did it like this".  You are not there anymore. 

For young officers:
  Your idea is probably not new. If the old hands tell you it won't work, listen to them.  Bear in mind that you hold your position for a year, and are probably his 6th or 7th troop/pl Comd.  He knows it won't work, because he's tried it 6 or 7 times.
73b.  And if you are a current reserve, attached to a RegF unit, don't assume that just because you are the same rank as buddy next to you, that you are equals.  YOU'RE NOT (usually).  Respect his TI and experience, and learn from it.