Author Topic: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION  (Read 34653 times)

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Offline Sapplicant

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #50 on: August 23, 2010, 10:54:46 »
....As Germany makes it's way to the childrens sandbox, it makes eye contact with a stretching, knuckle cracking Japan, who gives a knowing nod. Japan puffs it's chest out, and makes its way through the giant ocean of spilt beer, over to the United States, who's standing there, flat-footed, laughing hysterically, one hand slapping it's knee, the other trying to hold it's stomach from bursting. USA looks up JUST in time to see Japan in midswing with a big, heavy section of broken table....
7 Blunders of the World, Mohandas Ghandi:
-Wealth without work
-Pleasure without conscience
-Knowledge without character
-Commerce without morality
-Science without humanity
-Worship without sacrifice
-Politics without principle

8th Blunder of the World, Arun Ghandi:
-Rights without responsibilities

Offline cavalryman

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #51 on: August 23, 2010, 12:11:36 »
The USA manages to raise an arm and blunt Japan's swing, only to reel backwards into Germany, which is not amused and promises to get the USA once its taken care of the sandbox.  Japan, in the meantime, turns around and beats up poor Netherlands, cowering in the tiki lounge since Germany kicked it out of the Europe bar, before taking away Britain's Tiger Beer and pouring it on Britain's bleeding scalp.    The Phillipines meanwhile walks out the door, vowing to return.  At the end of the bar, India, trying hard to mind its own business gets splashed by Japan's beer vandalism and starts to get up.....

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #52 on: August 23, 2010, 12:16:49 »
I have to interject.  Poor Russia has his nads handed to him by Germany at some point before Japan takes a chair to USA's face.  (Of course, Uncle Joe is able to keep fighting in spite of the fact that he has no nads left...)
So, there I was....

Offline Danjanou

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #53 on: August 23, 2010, 12:32:37 »
....... After dealing with the sandbox, German walks over to Russia hand outstretched in greeting. Russian grabs it and Germany kicks
Russia in the goolies while Finland, Hungary,Italy, and Rumania all pile on. Bloodied and concussed Russia backs off into the storeroom.

To Distract Germany, England whispers something to Canada, who climbs in the bar window, sneaks across the room and tries  to
smash a beer bottle on Germany's head. The bottle fails to break and Germany turns around, grins and punches Canada in the nose.

Holding their Bloody nose Canada retreats across the room to their previous perch. Australia and New Zealand get a urgent call to come home from the missus as Japan is lurking in the garden and dash out. South Africa still pissed at England making them take on both Italy and Germany  continues to sulk in the sanbox and treat thweir cuts and bruises.....


( there all caught up)
NASA spent $12 Million designing a pen that could write in the zero gravity environment of space. The Russians went with pencils.

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #54 on: August 23, 2010, 13:31:41 »
.....Germany goes looking for Russia in the storeroom to punch it some more, and notices the attractive walk-in freezer with its loops of sausage and piles of schnitzel, not realizing Russia is hiding behind the schnitzel, just waiting with a frozen haunch of ham.....  Germany being otherwise occupied, Britain kicks sand in Italy's face and tries to coax the USA into joining it in the sandbox....  With things getting a bit too quiet in the main bar, Britain and Canada start throwing pickled eggs at Germany's back...  Meanwhile, the USA climbs into the sandbox and kicks out Vichy France which had been looking for a reason to join it's wayward brother Free France....
« Last Edit: August 23, 2010, 13:37:14 by cavalryman »

Offline Danjanou

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #55 on: August 23, 2010, 15:16:36 »
.....Germany and Russia egged on by their various supports, buddies, and relatives ( Romania, Croatia, Slovenia, Hungary, Finland, Ukraine, Siberia et all) have started a serious game of Roshambow in the freezer, so Gemrany fails to hear (or ignores) Italy's pitiful screams for help form the main bar room.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2010, 16:29:29 by Danjanou »
NASA spent $12 Million designing a pen that could write in the zero gravity environment of space. The Russians went with pencils.

Offline medicineman

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #56 on: August 23, 2010, 15:47:49 »
Italy, having decided that beating up on Ethiopia was training enough to punch at their own weight level, decided to take on the UK - and ran away crying for Mommy and Germany to help out after being sodomized by an unlubricated British boot.

MM
MM

Remember the basics of Medicine - "Pink is GOOD, Blue is BAD, Air goes in AND out, Blood Goes Round and Round"

I may sound like a pessimist, but I am a realist.

Offline Sapplicant

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #57 on: August 23, 2010, 15:49:13 »
.....Meanwhile, our friendly bartender Switzerland is still sitting there, watching this all unfold, dishtowel in one hand, drink in the other, trying to duck the occasional flying shard of glass/chairleg/billiard ball. This all, of course, coming after having put everyone's wallets, rings, necklaces, etc... in the lock-box under the bar for safe-keeping....
7 Blunders of the World, Mohandas Ghandi:
-Wealth without work
-Pleasure without conscience
-Knowledge without character
-Commerce without morality
-Science without humanity
-Worship without sacrifice
-Politics without principle

8th Blunder of the World, Arun Ghandi:
-Rights without responsibilities

Offline Haletown

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #58 on: August 23, 2010, 16:18:35 »
".....Meanwhile, our other  friendly bartender Sweden is still sitting there, watching this all unfold, Order Book in one hand, weapons licenses for sale in the other, trying to duck the occasional flying shard of glass/chair leg/billiard ball. This all, of course, while selling weapons and ammunition to both sides and getting very rich in the process.

Offline medicineman

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #59 on: August 23, 2010, 16:24:34 »
Germany, hearing Italy's whining, sends a couple of its pals over that need warming up after dealing with Russia in the freezer, and promptly wipe the shyte eating grin off the UK's face...for a few minutes.

MM
MM

Remember the basics of Medicine - "Pink is GOOD, Blue is BAD, Air goes in AND out, Blood Goes Round and Round"

I may sound like a pessimist, but I am a realist.

Offline Danjanou

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #60 on: August 23, 2010, 16:35:18 »
…. That is until The US, Canada, and England, all stomp on Italy's Foot after warming up on a couple of smaller bruisers in the sandbox. Then they proceed to deliver a major whip ***, joined in by South Africa, New Zealand and Poland (who went over to England's home to get a new set of pub clothes and just got back). Even Brazil from down the street jumps in the fun as does France who appears to be over their concussion and split personality. Under all this pressure Italy folds faster then a French soccer player at the world cup.
NASA spent $12 Million designing a pen that could write in the zero gravity environment of space. The Russians went with pencils.

Offline E.R. Campbell

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #61 on: August 23, 2010, 16:36:59 »
....... After dealing with the sandbox, German walks over to Russia hand outstretched in greeting. Russian grabs it and Germany kicks
Russia in the goolies while Finland, Hungary,Italy, and Rumania all pile on. Bloodied and concussed Russia backs off into the storeroom.

To Distract Germany, England whispers something to Canada, who climbs in the bar window, sneaks across the room and tries  to
smash a beer bottle on Germany's head. The bottle fails to break and Germany turns around, grins and punches Canada in the nose.

Holding their Bloody nose Canada retreats across the room to their previous perch, but still keeps the supply of full bottles flowing to Britain. Australia and New Zealand get a urgent call to come home from the missus as Japan is lurking in the garden and dash out. South Africa still pissed at England making them take on both Italy and Germany  continues to sulk in the sanbox and treat thweir cuts and bruises.....


( there all caught up)


Amended, a bit ...
It is ill that men should kill one another in seditions, tumults and wars; but it is worse to bring nations to such misery, weakness and baseness
as to have neither strength nor courage to contend for anything; to have nothing left worth defending and to give the name of peace to desolation.
Algernon Sidney in Discourses Concerning Government, (1698)
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Offline Danjanou

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #62 on: August 23, 2010, 16:38:04 »
Nice touch, that street they have to keep crossing to the pub is pretty dangerous and kind of flooded.
NASA spent $12 Million designing a pen that could write in the zero gravity environment of space. The Russians went with pencils.

Offline opp550

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #63 on: August 25, 2010, 03:29:13 »
Japan, having given the US a strong surprise barrage of attacks, gave the US some nasty wounds. However, the wounds were superficial, and Midway of another blow from Japan, the US got on it's feet, giving Japan wounds greater than initially inflicted in the conflict by Japan. Despite this, Japan manages to inflict a high volume of pain on the US.

Offline Thucydides

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Re: THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION
« Reply #64 on: August 25, 2010, 11:00:32 »
Single page version (averaging everything out we are at about late 1943 now...)

After a few years, Germany has a few pints and starts sucking up to Russia and decides that it doesn't want to pay for the pints that France insists it owes.  Then it insists that Austria is its brother and that they and Italy are really best friends. Glaring angrily about the bar, Germany saw Britain and France huddled in the corner trying not to make eye contact. Italy had already been marching around the bar, challenging everyone to step outside, but there were no takers. America had left the bar some time ago and no one was sure of where America had gone. Meanwhile, Germany moved into its brother's house, and decided that the Sudetenland would be a god place to build a nice, new living room.

With nothing better to do, Germany challenged Soviet Russia to an arm wrestling match at the Spanish table, while Japan was in the back room taking a pool cue to China.

Armwrestling over, Germany goes to the bar again and orders another pint and one for Austria. Glancing over to Czechoslovakia, Germany says, "Hey, nice shirt. I want it".

Before Czechoslovakia can jump from the bar stool and take a swing, Britain walks over and stands between the two, saying, "Can't we just get along? Come on, now, Czechoslovakia, just the shirt, that's all"...

Humiliated, Czechoslovakia hands over the shirt, while Britain walks back to the corner table with France saying "Now we have peace in our time..."

But Canada is still not used to being a grown up. Having recently moved out of England's house and taken an upstatirs room across the street in the United States house. Canada did kind of enjoy it's first grown up visit to the pub with it's siblings Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and India, but really hopes they don't dragged into all that brawling again.

At the other end of the Pub, Italy has finally found someone to fight and kicks newcomer Ethiopia in the goolies when they walk in.

Germany sitting at their table in the centre of the room smiles and raise their pint glass in a salute. Then they look at Russia who's wandered back in from the kitchen after checking on Japan in the back room and both look over at Poland who's been sitting by themselves at a small table..... right next to Germany. England and France stare at Germany and England begins to wave their finger in a stern manner. Germany gives them an "aw schucks" grin  and then turns and knocks Poland's beer off the table.

Poland stands up to confront Germany and beckons for England and France to come over and help. Russia then taps Poland on the shoulder and when they turn around Germany grabs the chair and smashes it over Poland's head. Russia then rushes in and begins kicking Poland repeatedly in the goolies while they lay writhing on the floor.

German turns to England and France who are standing in the middle of the room and makes a "come on then" gesture, but England and France slink back to their table and continue to utter threats in low voices. Denmark, Norway, Holland, and Belgium who popped in for a quick one after work all look worried and finish their drinks in a hurry and yell for the bill.

Finland who's been sitting in a corner quietly notices Russia is distracted going through the unconscious Poland's pockets, and quickly sneaks up behind and smashes a vodka bottle over Russia's head

Meanwhile across the room, Canada observes......knowing that somehow or another they'll have to help sort this mess out......not that it wants to
Russia gets up, shakes their head, grabs Finland and tosses them against the wall, knocking them out. Russian then goes back to their table in the far corner and sits down to sulk. Japan notices this and slinks out back to the Kitchen to see if China has woken up yet.

England grabs the phone and quickly calls the kids Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, and India and tells them to get down to the pub right quick and oh could one of them pop around to  the United States and tell them to grab their baseball bat and come over.  Then England walks over and stands by France confronting German, Italy and their mates now standing in the middle of the room. Everyone starts to down their pints, grab their coats and head for the door.

German quickly crosses the room and with the bits of broken chair quickly hits Denmark, Norway, Holland and Belgium stunning them all. Germany then grabs their coats and wallets and tosses them on a table to sort through later.

France is upset that it's little cousin Belgium has been hit and rushes around the large table it's been sheltering behind to get at Germany. Italy has finally finished going through Ethiopia's pockets  notices this and trips France. When France gets up Germany has picked up the table and smashes it over Frances's head. France is knocked out for several hours and when they finally wake up they're concussed and slightly schizophrenic and crawl off into a corner to argue with themselves.

Outnumbered and alone England barricades themselves behind the bar and begin tossing empty pint glasses at Germany and hoping the kids show up soon.

Germany and Italy begin sorting out the other tables  right quick and strut around the bar. In a corner booth Bulgaria, Hungary and Romania having seen whatever happend to everyone else all stand up and declare that Germany and Italy are their new best mates and buy them a round.

Across the street the United States is getting a bit concerned about all the noise and broken windows and wants to go over and take a look, but the missus tells them to sit down and finish their dinner.

Shortly after dinner, United States hears a noise in the backyard and investigates just in time to see Japan smashing its tiki themed patio set in retaliation for suggesting Japan had had too much to drink and should be cut off for the rest of the night. United States is very upset at this and heads down to bar. Japan also eggs The Neatherlands' house and moons Australia as it heads back to pick on China some more

Italy, while the Germans have their backs turned, decides to pick a fight with the Balkans Football Club which has been sitting in the corner. The BFC is a lot tougher then they look and the Italians are soon running to the Germans asking for help. The Germans turn around and go "WTF!"

After sortiing out the BFC with some help from it's new bestest buds Romania, and Hungary, Germany looks around the shambles of the room. England is still snarling at them from behind a fortified barrier of bar stools and Canada is at the window bhind them passing in a fresh supply of empty bottles to toss. Russia is still sitting in the corner taking in everything  and snarling at Finland.

Then another cry for help from Italy, they've decided to rifle the pockets of Egypt who passed out earlier in the children’s sandbox in the corner, but England sikked the kids, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa on them and they're all smacking Italy about the kneecaps. Rolling up their sleeves Germany sighs and wonders where it can get some better friends and allies and stomps over top that end of the room.

As Germany makes it's way to the children’s sandbox, it makes eye contact with a stretching, knuckle cracking Japan, who gives a knowing nod. Japan puffs it's chest out, and makes its way through the giant ocean of spilt beer, over to the United States, who's standing there, flat-footed, laughing hysterically, one hand slapping it's knee, the other trying to hold it's stomach from bursting. USA looks up JUST in time to see Japan in midswing with a big, heavy section of broken table. The USA manages to raise an arm and blunt Japan's swing, only to reel backwards into Germany, which is not amused and promises to get the USA once its taken care of the sandbox.  Japan, in the meantime, turns around and beats up poor Netherlands, cowering in the tiki lounge since Germany kicked it out of the Europe bar, before taking away Britain's Tiger Beer and pouring it on Britain's bleeding scalp. The Phillipines meanwhile walks out the door, vowing to return.  At the end of the bar, India, trying hard to mind its own business gets splashed by Japan's beer vandalism and starts to get up.

After dealing with the sandbox, German walks over to Russia hand outstretched in greeting. Russian grabs it and Germany kicks Russia in the goolies while Finland, Hungary,Italy, and Rumania all pile on. Bloodied and concussed Russia backs off into the storeroom.

To distract Germany, England whispers something to Canada, who climbs in the bar window, sneaks across the room and tries  to smash a beer bottle on Germany's head. The bottle fails to break and Germany turns around, grins and punches Canada in the nose. Holding their Bloody nose Canada retreats across the room to their previous perch, but still keeps the supply of full bottles flowing to Britain. Australia and New Zealand get a urgent call to come home from the missus as Japan is lurking in the garden and dash out. South Africa still pissed at England making them take on both Italy and Germany  continues to sulk in the sandbox and treat their cuts and bruises

Germany goes looking for Russia in the storeroom to punch it some more, and notices the attractive walk-in freezer with its loops of sausage and piles of schnitzel, not realizing Russia is hiding behind the schnitzel, just waiting with a frozen haunch of ham.....  Germany being otherwise occupied, Britain kicks sand in Italy's face and tries to coax the USA into joining it in the sandbox....  With things getting a bit too quiet in the main bar, Britain and Canada start throwing pickled eggs at Germany's back...  Meanwhile, the USA climbs into the sandbox and kicks out Vichy France which had been looking for a reason to join it's wayward brother Free France

Germany and Russia, egged on by their various supports, buddies, and relatives ( Romania, Croatia, Slovenia, Hungary, Finland, Ukraine, et all) have started a serious game of Roshambow in the freezer, so Germany fails to hear (or ignores) Italy's pitiful screams for help from the main bar room.

Italy, having decided that beating up on Ethiopia was training enough to punch at their own weight level, decided to take on the UK - and ran away crying for Mommy and Germany to help out after being sodomized by an unlubricated British boot

Meanwhile, our friendly bartender Switzerland is still sitting there, watching this all unfold, dishtowel in one hand, drink in the other, trying to duck the occasional flying shard of glass/chairleg/billiard ball. This all, of course, coming after having put everyone's wallets, rings, necklaces, etc... in the lock-box under the bar for safe-keeping. Our other  friendly bartender Sweden is still sitting there, watching this all unfold, Order Book in one hand, weapons licenses for sale in the other, trying to duck the occasional flying shard of glass/chair leg/billiard ball. This all, of course, while selling weapons and ammunition to both sides and getting very rich in the process.

Germany, hearing Italy's whining, sends a couple of its pals over that need warming up after dealing with Russia in the freezer, and promptly wipe the shyte eating grin off the UK's face...for a few minutes.

That is until The US, Canada, and England, all stomp on Italy's Foot after warming up on a couple of smaller bruisers in the sandbox. Then they proceed to deliver a major whip ***, joined in by South Africa, New Zealand and Poland (who went over to England's home to get a new set of pub clothes and just got back). Even Brazil from down the street jumps in the fun as does France who appears to be over their concussion and split personality. Under all this pressure Italy folds faster then a French soccer player at the world cup.

Japan, having given the US a strong surprise barrage of attacks, gave the US some nasty wounds. However, the wounds were superficial, and Midway of another blow from Japan, the US got on it's feet, giving Japan wounds greater than initially inflicted in the conflict by Japan. Despite this, Japan manages to inflict a high volume of pain on the US.

Dagny, this is not a battle over material goods. It's a moral crisis, the greatest the world has ever faced and the last. Our age is the climax of centuries of evil. We must put an end to it, once and for all, or perish - we, the men of the mind. It was our own guilt. We produced the wealth of the world - but we let our enemies write its moral code.